


i held on as tightly as you held onto me

by stillness_of_remembering



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Coming Out, Gen, Implied Queerplatonic Relationship, LGBTQ Themes, No Plot/Plotless, Nonbinary Kozume Kenma, One Shot, Short, Short One Shot, Trans Kozume Kenma, argument, at first, just feelings and dialogue, kuroo is an asshole, or something idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:26:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25473850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stillness_of_remembering/pseuds/stillness_of_remembering
Summary: “But it’s not like it’s been a few weeks, or even months. You’ve known you were non-binary for two years and never told me! I thought we were- Do I not- Did you think that I wouldn’t-”“I’m telling you now,” Kenma hisses. “But if I’d known you were going to react like this, maybe I wouldn’t have.”---Or, Kenma comes out and Kuroo... doesn't take it very well at first.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 4
Kudos: 67





	i held on as tightly as you held onto me

“Why didn’t you ever tell me the truth?” Kuroo’s face is flushed, and his eyes are narrowed.

“The truth? I never lied to you, Kuroo,” Kenma spits back. They had started this conversation afraid but hopeful. Now, they can’t help the anger that swirls together with hurt inside of them, the same emotions which are reflected on Kuroo’s face.

“I thought you trusted me. I thought we were best friends. We don’t  _ keep _ secrets, Kenma- or, I thought we didn’t.” 

“I do trust you!” Kenma argues. “But I don’t owe this to you.”

“You don’t, but-” Kuroo’s tone indicates that he believes otherwise.

  
  
“But what?” Kenma pauses for a just a second to breathe, and the echoes of their yelling manage to permeate the silence. “I’m telling you now.”

“But it’s not like it’s been a few weeks, or even months. You’ve known you were non-binary for two years and never told me! I thought we were- Do I not- Did you think that I wouldn’t-”

“I’m telling you now,” Kenma hisses. “But if I’d known you were going to react like this, maybe I wouldn’t have.”

“Then why did you?” 

“Because I wanted you to know, and because we’re best friends and I thought I could trust you.” Kenma echoes Kuroo’s earlier list. They don’t want to cry; they purposefully avoid it most of the time. Now, though, they can feel the telltale dampness in their eyes and heat in their face that signal tears ahead.

They tilt their head down so hopefully their long hair will curtain their face. The carpet of Kenma’s bedroom, where the two of them had been doing homework together just a few minutes ago, is white-gray like always - a little stain near their bed where Kuroo spilled hot chocolate in 6th grade. Kenma focuses on that little brown spot so they don’t have to meet Kuroo’s eyes.

“I’ve never kept  _ anything  _ from you, Kenma.”  _ Why did you keep this from me? _ The implied question is heavy in the air.

“It isn’t that easy, Kuroo.” Why doesn’t he get it? “At first I didn’t understand it myself-”

“Yeah, two years ago!”

Kenma shoots a nasty glare at Kuroo. “-and then- this isn’t like the embarrassing moments we’ve confessed to each other, or how we tell each other when we cheat on exams. This is different. This isn’t something I’ve done, it’s a part of me.” 

They look up at their oldest friend. Kuroo’s eyes are the same warm hazel they were yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that. They’re the same eyes that Kenma has learned to read so well. They see in them now a hurricane of emotions. 

“I trust you, but you can never know for sure how someone will react. What they’ll think is unnatural or weird or gross. I’d never heard you say anything about trans people, ever. If you rejected this, it’s not  _ like _ saying the fact I cheated on a quiz is wrong, it’s saying that I’m wrong. It’s terrifying.” Kenma ends much quieter than they began. The sharp edge of anger has subsided into something much more vulnerable.

“Kenma, I-” Kuroo has abandoned his rage too. “I don’t reject you. I would never reject you, or any part of you. I said that, right?”

“No, you didn’t. You just started getting mad when you realized how long I’d kept it to myself.”

Kuroo looks stricken. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Kenma should be satisfied with this. They’re still stuck though, bewildered by the betrayal Kuroo had felt. They had never considered that might be a possible response when they came out.

“I didn’t- there was no lie though. I didn’t do anything wrong by not telling you.” Their words come out far less sure than they want them to.

They wait a long moment for Kuroo to protest this statement. 

“You  _ didn’t _ do anything wrong,” Kuroo finally says. It’s not bitter. There isn’t a ‘but’ coming afterwards. He means it. 

“I’ll always accept you.”

-there. Kenma can’t hold back their tears any longer. They don’t sniffle loudly, but their shoulders shake a little, and they have to reach a hand up to wipe their nose and their eyes. A foot away, there’s no way Kuroo can’t notice.

“Can I?” Kuroo holds out his arms. Kenma nods, and is enveloped in his warmth. They’ve hugged a few times before (not often, since Kenma isn’t the most tactile person), and every time, Kenma was struck by how careful Kuroo was. This time, Kuroo isn’t careful; he’s just- there: all around Kenma, holding them tightly and close. 

When they break apart, Kenma sees that Kuroo’s cheeks are wet too.

“Kuroo, you’re my best friend.” When they say it, Kenma means something more. They’ve never wanted Kuroo in a romantic sense, but somehow “friend” doesn’t seem to encompass everything Kuroo is to them. 

“You know I didn’t not tell you because I don’t care about you, right?” They pause and scrunch up their nose. “No, wait, that sounded really confusing.”

“No, I got it. And I do realize that!” Kuroo waves his hands. “Before, what you said, you were right. I’m- this isn’t about me, this is about you. You’re the one who’s experienced this and has to worry about how everyone will see you if you come out. I just wish I could’ve been there for you, or been there more, I guess.”

He looks down.

“And when I got angry earlier, it was partly because of that, but it was mostly because I was being selfish and not thinking about it from how you felt. It was wrong of me. Sorry.”

“I forgive you,” Kenma says, lips curving up into a small smile. 

Everything’s right again for them. 

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written a non-binary character before. I was hesitant to write this since I'm not non-binary myself. If it's offensive in any way please let me know and I'll take it down!


End file.
